it is seldom that i take chances such as that. in fact, i'm unsure if up until this point i ever have. it’s strange. i’m still attempting to decipher the blossom. i told her i needed to sleep, which is half-truth, but really i wanted to make sure i was not already experiencing in disorient spells of slumber. and though now freshly rested, i’m weary as to where i shall embark from here. i cannot stand that it’s been over a year and still sensations of guilt envelope me if i even come to obtain the slightest feelings for another. but i cannot let it hold me any longer. i simply cannot.