a man stopped me in my dream. he said, drawn out heavy and shaking, "i've never seen a girl with eyes so blue." foreboding terror reverberated through me as his body froze then shattered abruptly into a pool of golden glitter. immediately, i turned. but was confronted to a world constructed only of mirrors. with my eyes holding in them the unimaginable combined depth of every sea man has come to know. i woke screaming, smashing any reflective surface i could perceive. there was blood everywhere. my heart began to lose sense of its beating. i collapsed to my death. the man entered through my door. he walked forward and began to laugh. this time his eyes were hollow and he began howling in reach for my body. he felt for my face and sliced his fingers on the glass flooded floor. it did not stop him. he grew weak, then in a final stretch plunged his trembling fingers down into my eyes. his hysterics rattled the shards against one another. in a sudden forceful scoop he gouged out my eyes. his hands rose swiftly to place them within his sockets. they suctioned with ease, but he suddenly felt himself drowning. he looked to the world for the first time, and in that same moment had too killed himself from obtaining eyes of such deep sorrow.

through my window waking near-life portal, twisted limbs and lazy wrecked transcriptions of supernova heart consumption. it is a vast and tangled void i have dreamed you through. doomed eyes locked in an astral paralysis of levitating perceptions. only you posses the potion. only you have seen the night as i. only you. only you.



(photograph. view from my window. night. january 18, 2012.)

i am relieved that i do not commence school on the morrow (or today, rather, i suppose) as i was thinking i did. thank you, martin luther king. though i will start classes tuesday. i'll be at school from 8:00am to 7:00pm with no breaks and my last class of the day being some sort of contrived math course which i've never even heard of before enrolling. then on mondays and wednesdays i have one more class, but it begins at 1:00 in the afternoon--thereby leaving me no chance of parking, so i'll be forced to arrive on the lot no later than 9:00am, anyways. maybe i'll start going to the gym to pass the segment of time. i'm so afraid of my schedule. and i'm utterly terrified of block classes starting up again. but all the while my mind is heavily elsewhere. only twenty-five days remain until i am able to see my darling shayda again. this longing has its hold.

a sudden surge of pressure has all at once encapsulated me. i feel as though a vast fire has begun raging within my skull and my eyes are trapped in a state of constant heavy throbs. i need this segment of my life to vanish. fastforward. i need to be transported. or else i need the cosmos to pause so that my pulse is lastly able to catch up to the stars. i've been traveling against the wind for much too long. and the moon knows how hard i've tried to be free.

i've experienced this dream three nights in a row. the most powerful premonition. it has come from a forward time far further within our lives. the simplicity is what makes it so weighty for me. seeing as my visions are typically not entirely the most pleasant of experiences. but in this, everything is lastly as it should be. lastly as we have been so long waiting for. yearning for. all is worth what is to come. i promise you, all is worth what is to come. this i have grown to know and hold.

last year i accomplished my resolution. the initial result stung through my spirit for a while, but i ended freer than ever before. last night i had not thought much about conjuring up one at the clock's strike of twelve, seeing as i already felt so fulfilled--that is until a new acquaintance ignited a potential prospering. it would be an internally troubling voyage, but one i've been needing to board for quite some time now. recently vast opportunities have been floating my way, and as they do, i find my own soul beginning to drift. i fear too much. i criticize myself brutally. i hardly take chances. and it has hindered my aura from obtaining its true luminescence. today my tarot reading reinforced and encouraged such an awakening. so, this is where i begin. juste comme ça.