there's so much sawdust swarming in my mind & my synapses are relentless chainsaws that won't cease. this is a time of passage both within and outside of myself to uncharted experiences. the balance beam is screaming in me, and one side is ready to just utterly collapse. it's been teetering for years, and i'm panicking in anticipation of surrender. i've been trembling, even during the day, afraid the moon is disappointed of my forsaking.