it's 7:15 in the morning. a brisk breeze is sweeping into my bedroom from the open basement window. i can hear a stolen shopping cart being raggedly rolled past in the alley. the wheels on asphalt and the metal clanging & reverberating with each bump until it stops at the next garbage bin. i can almost sense the whiteness of their knuckles as they grip and push through the uneven terrain of urban desolation. unable to see, i can't help but wonder who's madness is behind the cart & how long it's been with them - how much of their madness does that one cart contain? sometimes a cart to wake up with and put my madness into each morning sounds like a remedy. i'm trying to stay clam & listening helps me. there is so much life out there that i'm not living. or even observing. how much "-ness" there is and how tiny of a micro fraction i am. it's strange that no one has the same world, though we all coexist on one planet. even my own life is separated into varying existences and time loops. for instance, my dear stephanie just called me and is stuck in the thick of traffic. even her experience, while lived simultaneously next to mine, is vastly varying. she's calm and has the radio tuned into NPR. hearing her voice grounds me in the most immense permanent way. it's absolute ludicrous upon the sound of it how fast i can crumble to sadness of her vacant presence, even when she's only been gone half an hour. i've never known this. quite frankly, i'm bad at it. with each moment, we have wreathed our souls together, and are evermore eternally entwined. full circle. continuous and capturing. which we have sprinkled salt around and blessed with spells of binding and protection. though, i must soon too construct a separate one within our wreath around my own knowingness in order to cleanse. cognizance is a brutal fate. especially when rapt within a mutated state of delirium. but i'm awakening. and i will compote the waste to build an enriched fertile footing from which to grow.

i've never experienced this much and this little at once.

spirit writing my own horoscope - Monday, May 12, 2014 .

at this time you feel your life. you are particularly attracted to the ideals of a painless, easy way. you are now provided the opportunity to be prepared for sudden shifts. key issues arise becoming involved in some form of projecting your imagination on others. but the probability is higher than you were aware. following the crowd to hide, impatient and rather reckless at times, you experience major unexpected, sudden changes in your dreams. you are also very prone to fantasize about a more perfect idealistic state. at this, probably deceiving yourself. you should not. you are impulsively affectionate and awakened at this time. and the novelty and possibilities for the changes push to consciously initiate them. the only caveat is to keep quite restless, though you are so, so lazy. sometimes a wave of spontaneous, responsive, and creative flows in over and you are inclined to be moved, though be wary of deception from others in life. perhaps more importantly, you believe in unexpected ways. you promise to gain a fresh, more inspired perspective. you tend to project there is a high probability that some people will try to take advantage of the exaggerated and fantastic, then as your own tendency persists, form a great distance to others. you now seek what will not necessarily occur now. also, you may find that you cannot restrain your imagination; let it soar. for this time period sensations of rebelliousness and abrupt changes in adventure await. impulsive decisions that you can regret take an exotic vacation. visit the low point in your ability to reach spiritual aspirations, effectively unveiling an inspiring place. you tend to become seriously disoriented and experience a more imaginative, unstable territory. psychically make major decisions and be weary of any tendency to drink to excess, you are prone to make sudden sadness. you entertain more fantasies than you realize, and easily slip into a disoriented and confused state of mind. even danger zones. be very careful when in a more magical, awe-inspiring world. a way to escape from practical affairs is watching many movies as a used for medical purposes. though may cause emotional upheaval. so be very careful with an urgency now. this is the feel you need to escape from your daily routine and immerse yourself in the very disorienting and confusing. during this time you are likely to find yourself reading fantasy with practical affairs. exciting world. time. you are driven more by sudden intuitions and dreams grip you. you pretend to be very strong at this time, and a stable, predictable. that offers an easy victim of this deception. find yourself.

the expected honk
in the quite void
still startles you -
cowered deep down
(and unwillingly) you've begun morphing
into a manila cocktail of moon,
headlights, and the taxi's own reflection
(which rests hitting your body
with aggravating precision
through your tightly shut
drapes). you have perfected
the act of sinking
on the couch in your head,
which is raggedly outdated
and never replaced
because (memories) - watching,
but unmoving as hours drain
like blood from the sky -
the stars turn to flames
in this infinite vigil 
(brutal is the slaughter
you have grow to know
all too well). abruptly, the screech
of hot rubber, asphalt, and tar,
the sounds of
black on black on black -
it's gone & you don't care
as you walk with cracking ankles
to turn on the stove and make a cup of tea
like a complacent coward - but you rest
easily, because everything
(in this moment) is now
as gone
as you -
yet, amidst the massacre
darkness always wins -
there is a neglected
glister glinting gently
& playing off the whites
of your emptiness 

soft stabbing sound
of a needle
breaking through fabric
swift low whiz
of crimson string
being pulled through
displaying an un-beating
vein embedded body
...can't help but
wish for echos
each stitch craves
homage to remember
the puncture's origins
rests within hands
far too familiar