the sound of an empty house.

second post of my current project is up--view: http://www.flickr.com/zoenoelle
full moon tonighttt!



well, my tarot reading seems to be about right..

also, the landlord has yet to fix my a.c.
i feel horribly for my cat.
he said he'd come today, but i highly doubt it.

i'm having to keep my windows open.
which wouldn't normally be a problem.
but i live in a tiny apartment complex that just so happens to contain the most obnoxious group of kids to ever exist.
i'm going insaneee.

i want to visit salem, massachusetts.
terribly.

it's a karen dalton type of day.

the feeling right before a full moon.
you know that moment when you're just about to cry--there is this writhed lump that becomes tightly wound in your throat. the wad of emotions you're attempting desperately to swallow have conquered your will.
in the moments before the full moon--i feel this not in my throat, but in my core. and though the lump is not sad, it's just as heavy the deepest sorrow.


i'll be here just as soon as you arrive, my lovely moon.
as soon as night sheets the town, i'm off to be with you.
this time, perhaps a coffee shop. i'll grab the window seat, of course.

always yours,
xoxo.

since it is his birthday, i figured i'd post my current favorite dylan song--"one more cup of coffee"
i'm completely obsessed with some of the lines in this song.




"your breath is sweet
your eyes are like two jewels in the sky
your back is straight your hair is smooth
on the pillow where you lie
but i don't sense affection
no gratitude or love
your loyalty is not to me
but to the stars above

one more cup of coffee for the road
one more cup of coffee 'fore i go.
to the valley below.

your daddy he's an outlaw
and a wanderer by trade
he'll teach you how to pick and choose
and how to throw the blade
he oversees his kingdom
so no stranger does intrude
his voice it trembles as he calls out
for another plate of food.

one more cup of coffee for the road
one more cup of coffee 'fore i go.
to the valley below.

your sister sees the future
like your mama and yourself
you've never learned to read or write
there's no books upon your shelf
and your pleasure knows no limits
your voice is like a meadowlark
but your heart is like an ocean
mysterious and dark.

one more cup of coffee for the road
one more cup of coffee 'fore i go.
to the valley below."

canceled my cable (well, i have for a while).
now got a good netflix list goin'.
my cat and i are excited about movie nights!


on another note--
today was incredibly productive. and i didn't even really plan to be productive..
suppose i'm subconsciously attempting to keep my mind off certain things. or consciously, rather.

i'm beat.

today's to you.
happy birthday, sir.

yoko ono--"blood piece"

feelin' pretty wretched.

i know nobody will ever love me like you do.
i'm so sorry.



leonard is going to be on repeat for a long while.


"i loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, i know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

i'm not looking for another as i wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we cant untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

i loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, i know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we cant untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
hey, that's no way to say goodbye."

crazy cat lady action figure?! yes, please.

i finally went out tonight.
to a friends birthday party and then headed to a gallery opening with some other lovely people.
i never go out. ever.
and i noticed that when i do go out--there is this feeling of simplicity.
nothing else really matters. and it's those little moments that fill me up again--moments of carefree laughter, music that you have to scream over, sentences saturated in sarcasm, waiting for trains to pass, a moon 3/4ths full, worn off lipstick, and messed up hair.

it was really nice.

dreams are sewing my mind with fallacies.
waking up is such an empty feeling.

the only place i feel whole--does not even exist.

laurie lipton.
deeply wish i could buy a drawing of hers.


i could not begin to tell you how many pages of my journal (and even quite a few essays) have been devoted to what she speaks of near the end.

new song up.
(lyrics are on youtube)

i'm going to see themmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

something to sleep to.
goodnight,
xoxo.

we're just marionettes dancing at some tawdry masquerade.
sparkling punch and red lips filling mouths.
hesitant hearts à la carte.

i watched the night leak through my window. under each wooden door. flooding the tiny rooms. saturating everything with its own shade of gray.
it came slowly. and made me think of the way women in a mid-life crisis sometimes blink their eyes when they get really sad. so heavy and lingering--they always linger. just like their perfume and cheap hotel rooms filled with cigarette smoke.
the darkness is like that, too. it's always there. faintly remaining.
until eventually it swallows you.

sometimes, all this mystery can be the most wretched.

you know...it'd really be quite lovely if you'd quit consuming my thoughts for a little while.

goodnight,
xoxo.

pleasethunderstormpleasethunderstormpleasethunderstorm. please?

i want to write him a letter.

plucking strings that don't want to sing.

bob dylan & allen ginsberg at kerouac’s grave--lowell, ma 1975
(photo by ken regan)

i love how my cat curls up on my lap and never leaves.

sally mann--
"at twelve: portraits of young women"

"crow janie, crow janie, crow jane."

self-portrait photograph from my project on death--"help me operator"
(http://www.flickr.com/zoenoelle)

“sometimes i live in the country,
sometimes i live in town
sometimes i take a great notion,
to jump into the river and drown.”
--leadbelly

insomnia: the chronicle.

today
+ woke up at 7 a.m.
+ 8 a.m. read
+ 9 a.m. had a cup of coffee
+ 10 a.m. got dressed
+ 11 a.m. bought film
+ 12 p.m. went to the museum district. went on a nice walk and shot some photos.
+ 1 p.m. went to historical district. went on a nice walk and shot some photos.
+ 2 p.m. went to cvs. developed photos. bought a tiny pot in which to start growing my own herbs. (parsley, sweet basil, and my favorite--cilantro). also bought fizzy strawberry water.
+ 3 p.m. called mumzy and wished her a happy mother's day.
+ 4 p.m. back at apartment. planted seeds. placed pot on window seal. scanned photos.
+ 5 p.m.-currently curled up with my lovely kitty. my little zuzuu <3

photos from today:
http://www.flickr.com/zoenoelle
this was my first time using the pentax k-1000 i inherited from my incredible grandpa. this was a test roll. so i didn't do anything exciting. and the light meter wasn't working so i guessed on everything. think i've got the jist of it now, though.

the river will swallow you.
( http://www.flickr.com/zoenoelle)

the smell of sprinklers on a hot humid night.

"there are many reasons for the death of a man, yet it is impossible to justify his living."--albert camus

my mind is throwing fits. eyes playing tricks. teeth biting lips.
tape won't even stick.
probably because my hands get clammy when i think of you.
or maybe it's because the a.c. has been broke since winter last year, and today's high was 93.
either way, i can't tell. all i know is nothing is working anymore. and you're on mind, incessantly.
can't get the paint to form the right drips. there's no one who wants to knit. the plug in the wall is only for those who would like potential electrocution to commence. the blinds have holes from the cat making the window seal her home. a.c. is broke. the incense makes too much smoke. relationships too much to hold. constant sounds of a buzzing fan and a man who walks in the attic coupled with the t.v.'s constant static.
nothing is ever quiet enough.
nothing is ever quite enough.
all of the roads are rough.
and these city lights make it tough to see the stars and stuff.


goodnight,
xoxo.

i'm over it all.

the footsteps.
they're back.

ten musical artist picks for may:
1. the smiths
2. crystal stilts
3. tampa red
4. broadcast and the focus group
5. cocorosie
6. bob dylan
7. indian jewelry
8. devendra banhart
9. metallic falcons
10. dave van ronk

absolutely cannot listen to this without smiling.

cravingcravingcraving.

accidentally paused a youtube video while the text was in the process of transitioning.
result=this screenshot.
how fitting.

the sound of breathing
right before falling asleep.
black hair on red sheets.

where are you?

cold fingertips.

favorite lucy episode of all time.