entrapped in an experience of outer surfaces, with efforts to probe deeper yielding only to more as murky as the first. at times, such exasperating exertions to locate meaning beneath these shrouds of ensnarement can in turn evoke a psychological disembodiment wherein physical and mental planes become mixed and morphed together. usually, when a blank space occurs, it is rapidly invaded with a reaction of some sort. and, it seems, this particular vacant abyss has begun to anthropomorphize a consciousness of continuous pulling in and out. i do not think any of this is making even the slightest amount of coherent sense. i feel almost as if existing in a semi-lucid surrealist state of somnambulism. and cannot reawaken. visions are slipping out. i must shut my eyes. that's the only way. ever the only way... goodnight, xo.