realizing how irrational my thoughts are.
ridiculously mindset.

one example:
i only want the idea of love. my delusive brain will be so hypnotized.
tricks my veins into feeling. and my heart into palpitations.
but if in proximity, i deter. want nothing of it.
belly butterflies undergo reverse metamorphosis, all wrapping themselves hurriedly into haphazard cocoons.

i am merely a daydreamer, at best.
never an actualizer. never a realist in ideals.
sometimes, i might think of you. a lot of the time, i might think of you.
thoughts as sweet as artificial sugar. and just as pretty. though, not so concise. well, sometimes.
but not folded into those rectangular pieces of pink paper.

...actually, i wish i could--think of you and seal the idea of us into one of those tiny packages. put you back in the box that goes on the second shelf of my cupboard. there would be hundreds upon hundreds them.
i'd have worn boxes and broken wrappers everywhere.
my cat would play with the fallen ones and i'd have to throw them away in the mornings after putting my cup in the microwave.

no matter, i always want to be alone.
and sometimes i forget this.
weaving imaginary fallacies.
not too bitter, not too sweet.




(all the wrong people are going to read this and morph the wrong ideas.
i wish human hearts weren't so impressionable.
just note, that i'm not speaking to anyone directly.
i'm just too lazy to physically write in my journal.)