My head hard in the nape of Her. My joints are disintegrating to nothing but Her. Eventually I move my body and feel a slight slide of conscious breath. As if by instinct, before my body creaks like someone you've grown old with, birds have started chirping, I inhale and I pull Her closer into me. I squeeze for Her heartbeat, I listen for Her breathing. The purest pain. And I have no control. My arm right beneath her breasts. I listen. You try to kiss me. I smile, but Every morning, while it's still dark & no body is even fully awake, I turn my neck & almost cry because I'm scared now. I'm scared of what's happening to my body.