so much remains.

your embrace was

the entire universe

within me

holding its breath

i only know what remains--which is, we share the same unknown.

a few nights ago i had an overwhelming urge to conduct some spirit writing and have since been haunted by this message which emerged eerily within the first lines of winding ink:

"you are good & light & when free love her"

i've been relentlessly bombarded with assignments, work, events to attend, et cetera, and have not been able to write or touch my existence much lately. my battery ran down on my camera while doing a project and i'm waiting for it to recharge--being the only reason that i am even able to write in this moment. everything is happening at such a rapid pace that all seems transitory. i mean, all is transitory and i'm mesmerized by the beauty which that encompasses, but at times it's terribly infuriating because there is so much investment. and now i'm not even able to witness the decay. it's pure evaporation. absolute ephemerality. black holes.

she is the sea,
and i am vanishing.

i can't remember

what it was

how it happened

or when we

became such empty

mounds of magic--

only i know

her voice was
shaking. meaning: either
she despises me
or retains desires,
secretly. no matter,
we are strangers
now. (because that

is what she
wanted) and there

is nothing left.

it started so simply. only, now exists complete restlessness. the cursed enigma. the cyclical ephemeral. sleepy, sleepy cyclone. twisted internal. lay me down, my supernatural. bestow your beloved surrender. sweet, sweet dreams wait whispering.

"What is this universe
but a lot of waves
And a craving desire
is a wave
Belonging to a wave
in a world of waves
So why put any down,
wave?
Come on wave, WAVE!
The heehaw’s dobbin
spring hoho
Is a sad lonely yurk
for your love
wave lover."

--jack kerouac

ceci n'est pas un rêve.